A Letter To My 30-Year-Old Self
I kind of feel that today is the highlight of my life. My golden year has opened up so many aspects in my life that I never knew existed. So I am writing it down in a letter. And this is a letter I would love to read to myself 5 years from now.
Dear 30-year-old Adah,
How are you now? I’m writing you this letter when you were 25. You had a short hair then; did you grow it long now? You know, I haven’t really told you then, but I think that short hair suited you well. You had more character on that. I hope you still have it. I hope you still remember the time when you poured out these words, when you had to open your laptop in the middle of a cramming time (because it was almost end of the school year and you were completing the year-end requirements in the public high school you were in). I hope you remember how important these words were to you, that you wanted to write them so bad, you stopped doing your students’ grade cards, and you just couldn’t wait until you finished your tasks. The time when you were writing this was the exact time you had finally the courage to make the biggest decision in your 25 years on earth. In few weeks time, three weeks to be exact from the time this was written, you were about to embarked on a journey of a lifetime. You were quitting your job as a public school teacher, a super stable job for that matter, and you were leaving your home country for the past 25 years including your family and friends for a foreign land where you knew something that was bold yet uncertain was waiting for you. 5 years later, what happened to you? I hope that you are now living your dream, the dream which intimidated almost everyone including yourself.
I hope that you still have the same thirst and seize for life as you had when you were 25.
Which country are you in now? Do you have more tattoos now? Do you still remember how you got your first tattoo from Apo Whang Od and the reason behind that trip? You are probably smiling now. You were such a crazy rebellious chic then. How many countries have you been to? Are you still traveling alone or have you already found someone to travel with? Either ways, I know that you are far better and smarter now than your 25-year old self when it comes to love and life, right? Remember how devastating your heartbreak was at that time? Yes, I know you are smiling again. You probably could not believe it yourself now. Yes, that happened and I hope it was the last. Have you already seen the Aurora Borealis? Or you’re on your way to see it? How’s your Mandarin? Do you still practice it? Can you now speak in French? Do you remember the things that you have always wanted to do? You have been writing a lot, so I hope you wrote them too. I hope you had listed them few months after writing this so you would never ever forget any of them. But most especially I hope that you are making it happen now. I hope that you are now ticking each one of them off your bucket list with a brave soul and fierce heart.
However my dear Adah, if ever things did not go according to how you planned them, it is okay. If you had failed many times over more than you had foreseen, it is okay. If you felt like you haven’t been moving a lot for a while now, it is okay.
You made the most daring decision 5 years ago, and you made it this far. Whatever happened in between then and now are all worth the leap you took bravely 5 years back. Imagine if you did not do it, you could have been wondering what if, you could have been wondering why you didn’t even try, and that could be such a huge regret of a lifetime. So if things are rough at this moment, remember those days when you were so excited about these. These are part of the adventure. You knew from the beginning that it’s not and never going to be easy, right? But you knew that you can make it happen. You were so committed into making it happen. You got that strong willed spirit then, and I hope that you didn’t lose that spirit. I hope that you have no regrets. You were so brave when you made that decision of quitting from everything that was familiar to you and choosing the uncertain and the unknown, so you have to be proud of yourself because of that. Not everyone plunged on things that huge, not everyone jumps on the other side of the wall, not everyone is as courageous as you are. Whatever you had go through in the past 5 years have made you the best version of yourself. I am so sure you are way braver and tougher now. I am so proud of you. Whatever is happening right now, I hope that you would still and always have the courage to choose the more difficult choices, because that’s where you will continue to grow. I believed in you 5 years ago, and I will never stop believing in you. I will never lose my faith in you. Your dreams are beautiful and big, and I hope that you have never stopped reaching for them. I hope that you would never stop reaching for them no matter what.
I love you, always.
Your 25-year-old self, Adah